They may fluctuate in the degree to which they disassociate what was a tool for surviving their rape becomes a learned coping strategy.įor me, it meant I couldn’t feel things in the moment. Sadly many rape victims stay disassociated for the rest of their life. Disassociation is a survival mechanism, natural to all humans. Most rape victims disassociate and experience the whole rape like an out of body experience. This is not to discount the experiences of people who have been severely wounded during rape but to acknowledge that many of the wounds of rape aren’t physical. When someone rapes you, it’s not so much about the physical pain you feel. We develop different coping methods, but we show remarkable uniformity in the types of struggles we deal with. It’s remarkable how every rape can be unique, but every rape victim I’ve ever met, including me, struggles with the same issues months, years or even decades later. The pain rape causes you can last a lifetime. The pain you experience from being raped doesn’t correlate to the number of cuts or punches or verbal threats to your life you received. The pain of rape has nothing to do with bumps or bruises, cuts or blood. It took me fourteen years to admit I couldn’t do it on my own. I spent the next years trying to pick up the bloodied pieces of my self-worth while trying to not shame myself for being in such a state. It feels like someone taking a knife and stabbing your soul over and over until nothing is left but the bloody remnants of what was once self-worth and self-love.
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